How Ironman changed my life [Part 1] - Wanting the glory without the sacrifice

Due to a change in plan on the execution of this bicycle tour it has become a little overwhelming to write about the past week or so. Having said that I have arrived safely in Poland where I have met my friends Sylwia and Ula whom I hosted in Malta one year ago. It has been 6 days without cycling where things are currently feeling more like a holiday and a time of rest than a tour. But that's ok. Sometimes it is important to stop and reflect. The way here has been somewhat of a rollercoaster, but thankfully I met many great people along the way and I am happy to say I have made some new friendships. People I know I shall meet again in the future. So in my time of reflection and rest, I find myself thinking about the life lessons I learnt through my 5 year Ironman journey which lasted from 2014 till 2019. I will be breaking this story into a few parts as not to bore anyone reading. I hope

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Triathlon was introduced to me by a friend in 2011. I was introduced to a nationally renowned athlete who had competed in a few Ironman races (I had NO IDEA what Ironman was). When this time of my life happened I was overweight and in desperate need of a change in my life. I was in a blackhole. Spending many days drinking, getting high and overindulging on any food which came my way. I would try to do anything to feel good. I wanted to escape from the turbulent disturbing thoughts of what I believed was a life of failure and meaninglessness. I now understand why I used to feel this way much better but I will get back to this in another blog post in the future. The triathlon journey began as nothing more than running as a way to lose some weight.

Fat Sam days

Once I started running, I quickly saw a quick improvement in my performance. I was succeeding at something. Something that I was doing was working. I could see progress. That sense of accomplishment quickly became an addiction. I was feeling less like a failure and found a healthier way to escape from those turbulent thoughts. Little did I know at this time that this would lead to me being able to face those thoughts in the future as opposed to escaping from them.

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My coach was my idol. This guy was doing things which seemed IMPOSSIBLE to me. I mean come on, a 3.8km swim followed by 180km on a bike to finish off with a 42.2km run. WOW. But I wanted to follow in his footsteps. I started seeing Ironman videos on youtube and feeling more inspired. I remember thinking "I want to be an Ironman". Eventually I did a sprint triathlon in Malta with the distances of 750m swim, 20km cycle and 5km run. [at this point all I had really trained for was running] I remember I was still a relatively large guy. I borrowed a racing bicycle. I purchased a tri-suit and just went for it.

I died in the swim, I died in the bike and I died in the run. But I did it. That was it, I was hooked.

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As time passed, I started focusing more on the other disciplines of triathlon and started spending money on my own equipment and getting stronger. I did longer races and was filled with this major sense of accomplishment. The negative thoughts in my head seemed to have quieted down and I thought I was liberated. It was all ok, till life continued and triathlon became the norm. I needed a new distraction and that became a relationship. I lost myself in this relationship. I tried to find happiness in someone else. My sense of self just started to vanish and the unhappiness began again. The excessive smoking, eating and drinking began again. I needed to escape again.

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In 2014, after having returned to being a rather large fellow out of training, I decided it was time. Let's apply for an Ironman. Time to fulfil that dream. I wanted to say I am an Ironman.

I wanted to say, I did it once again. Unfortunately I was not in the right mindset, I didn't train for it. I just wanted the glory. I wanted the success but I was not willing to make the sacrifices for it. I tried training with two coaches who were well known to produce great results but it did not get me anywhere. It's hard to focus on other things when your brain can find no point in waking up in the morning. It was about 3 or 4 months before the race when a triathlete friend, Michelle Vella Wood introduced me to an angel. We were both going up to Sweden Kalmar for the Ironman race and she asked me how training was going.

She suggested I contact a person who got her to finish an Ironman race a few months after giving birth to her first child. That was when I met Will.

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At this time of my life I was having some major problems with my family and was not speaking with them. It was a very dark time in my life but Will was extremely patient with me. The difference of being coached by Will was that he took care of my emotional state before anything else. He really took me under his wing. He somehow managed to ignite a spark to get me moving. I started training and doing my best (which was pretty inconsistent, but it was better than nothing). My life had to change for a little which created problems in the relationship between me and my girlfriend of the time. It was there I understood that sacrifices had to be made in order to try and achieve my goal.

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That relationship had to end, but that girl and her family were my support team in Sweden so we kept in touch and we all went up to Kalmar together. I finished the race in a time of 13 hours and 34 minutes. Will managed to pull a miracle out of my ass.

Yet my Ironman experience was in the shadow of what seemed like a romantic ending to the perfect modern fairy tale. My girlfriend of the time realised why I had to make the sacrifices and we got back together. I said ok, Mission Accomplished. Now I put my efforts into the relationship.... 1 Year later the relationship came to an end once and for all, and it was time to redo my Ironman experience and learn from my mistakes.

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Part 2- Ironman Kalmar 2016 - "The ego wants it" - to come out shortly. Will, if you read this... Thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping shape me into the person I am today. Thank you for being such a great coach, thank you for being such a great friend but mostly thank you for being the selfless, caring, considerate human being you are. You saved my life and I am forever grateful.

Michelle and Will