What's the point? The Africa edition.

Julia, here. No,.... Sam hasn't moved to Africa. YET. Who knows...

I am one of Sam's closest friends. We connected on many levels, about 2 years ago when we met. We both struggled with issues while trying to lead our lives, and we are both very honest about them. I am different to Sam, in a way. I am a Vet and I do not think I would ever want to stop doing what I do. I struggle with my profession, however love it. It is my vocation. Reaching a balance between my very hectic job and life in general has not been easy.

Sam and I, NYE 2018

Usual busy day at work

I moved to Botswana almost 5 months ago. I might not have been completely sure what the point was at the time. Now I think I might have a better grasp of things. It is pretty dynamic and it seems to be slightly different as I have more time to contemplate.

I also lived in Malta. From the outside, I guess, I might have had everything ready, set up, put together. However, dealing with stress, anxiety, issues upon issues from childhood pain coming to visit me once more, a dramatic break-up (obviously), health issues and a very interesting summer cast over by an existential crisis....

It was time to move on...

To get out of the comfort zone. Do less, with less people, less pressure and ultimately work on my brain ( as Sam would put it); work on myself with no social constrains.

Robert and I, on the way to Botswana

Living here with no real responsibilities (except Robert, the kitten who came with me), with a pretty well rounded routine, and a quiet job, makes life simpler. I have time to reflect. Time alone. Time to do a little studying in between. I travel whenever I can; it is beautiful. No one really judges, because they have no investment in someone who is leaving in a year. They care, but it is in a superficial way.

“The whole process of nature is an integrated process of immense complexity, and it’s really impossible to tell whether anything that happens in it is good or bad,” Alan Watts

Honestly, 4 months-in, I still have not figured out my true goals in life. Maybe I don't have to. Living in the present is what people have taught me here. Everyone lives like they have centuries ahead of them, yet they have one of the shortest life spans in the world.

This puts life into perspective. I spent so much of my life running from one thing to another. Living on caffeine, little sleep ( my favourite words were; sleep when you're dead), speed dating, and dealing with my emotional pain of not only one break-up, but maybe several.

The break-up of my parents marriage, why I broke up with my high school sweetheart, and why my number one person (at the time) broke up with me. No wonder I developed attachment issues, re-discovered my daddy issues, and had no sense of boundaries. It was effecting my work and I was becoming distant/ detached from everything I loved - I had people telling me that I cannot even give a proper hug. I am an extrovert and I started getting social anxieties. It was a rollercoaster and the only way I could get off was to fly (... hahaha literally). A break from all that I know. A re-boot.

Like Sam I find mental stillness and presence through sports. Doesn't matter what sport really. It creates a calm and a sense of balance. However within my old life it was just not enough, my only joy was when I was running, swimming, hiking, skiing, yoga-ing (not a word- I know), diving or whatever, and nothing more.

A challenge or a change might be enough to rethink the life we have created. To rethink what is important to us. Mine was Africa.

Have I actually reset myself? Figured out what is important? Why am I here? *giggle* on this planet not in Africa. I guess the idea is not to dwell too much on the point. Take things day by day. Be good to the people around us and try to spread the love and joy that we can. Plant the seed for being aware of one another and more mindful of our impact on the people around us and our planet we call home (ow my, I sound like a hippie, love love love, hahahahaha...).

So, do I want to go back to my hectic life after all this? I have no idea. Finding a balance was always hard within the constraints of my old life. Change is inevitable after one year of being away, however will the time-off be enough to stay within this same mindset. OR will my old life draw me back to who I was? I hope not.

"It is likely that some troubles will befall us; but it is not a present fact. How often has the unexpected happened! How often has the expected never come to pass! And even though it is ordained to be, what does it avail to run out to meet your suffering? You will suffer soon enough, when it arrives; so look forward meanwhile to better things. What shall you gain by doing this? Time. There will be many happenings meanwhile which will serve to postpone, or end, or pass on to another person, the trials which are near or even in your very presence. A fire has opened the way to flight. Men have been let down softly by a catastrophe.

Even bad fortune is fickle. Perhaps it will come, perhaps not; in the meantime it is not. So look forward to better things." -Seneca

P.S. I, in no way, am I proposing for people to deal with their issues by quitting their job and moving a continent away from everything they know. One can create a positive change in their lives in less extreme ways. Everyone has their own path. Listen to what you need to do to drive yourself away from your mental issues.