It all seemed too good to be true till it became the normality

Half way through the third week of the Camino, a sense of normality came over me. This is what I do.

I walk

I talk

I listen

I laugh

I share

I eat

I sleep (kindof)

Yet thankfully some clarity had already occurred. Enough to drop a harsh realization upon me me.

I found myself about to fall into the same patterns which evidently caused me so much pain in past. Same pattern, different packaging.

I was starting to get attached.

Attached to this normality. As if to believe that this normality will be the rest of my life.

That overused true saying of, “it’s about the journey not the destination” got all twisted and confused. It was starting to feel that this journey was a final destination. Which then would lose all meaning once the walking Camino comes to an end.

I was getting attached to

A mindset

To certain people

To the experience

Only creating fears of when this experience comes to an end.

I was losing balance.

Or had I gained balance by acknowledging it before it took over? 🤷🏻‍♂️ I guess I don’t need to define it. It is what it is.

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This is where I believe the “work” needed to start.

I decided to change up the pattern to appreciate everything by deciding to spend some days alone.

To listen to the deeper thoughts and feelings within. To spend time with a person I’ve hated and tried avoiding for a while.

To listen to myself.

To stop running from myself and replacing the inner battle with the next feel good moment that came my way.

It wasn’t an easy choice, but definitely a necessary one.

I started hearing myself.

I started acknowledging my own needs.

I started discovering I have an inner voice which speaks for itself and not swayed along by whatever feels good.

The internal Camino has only just begun.

I am able to appreciate and be more thankful for my Camino family now that I am no longer governed by my fears of losing them.

The same applies for the experience and the mindset.

I am finding myself more present

I am finding myself more now

I AM FINDING MYSELF.

For the first time in a long time, I am starting to love myself again.

I am so grateful